Dan Fogler

If you want to hear characters talk to each other in Star Wars dialogue, I've got a couple of trilogies for you.

On balance...like Teichberg—takes after its immigrant American father, evincing a quiet humility in offering its rambling 'little perspective' of an emblematic happening that was almost everything it was cracked up to be.

Pure Hollywood hokum, with plotting that’s practically impossible...graceless product placement, cutesy situations, and neatly tied bows.

The whole fiasco turns out to be an excuse to let Seth Green play a (redubbed) little boy. Next time, maybe just cast a real boy, build some sets in an old barn, and have Mom make the costumes.

I have heard the cash cow moo...the sort of movie many will feel obliged to like more than they actually want to clamor right back onto the ride.