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See No Evil

(2006) no stars R
84 min. Lions Gate Films. Director: Gregory Dark. Cast: Glen "Kane" Jacobs, Michael J. Pagan, Christina Vidal, Samantha Noble, Rachael Taylor.
Well, Lions Gate Films didn't see fit to screen See No Evil for us critics, so I went down to my local multiplex to see for myself: first show on opening day. I was the only one in the theatre—no one even snuck in late. Turns out that's a very good thing, since See No Evil, the first and hopefully last film from WWE Films, makes Hostel look like Hamlet. For the uninitiated, WWE stands for World Wrestling Entertainment, and hulking wrestler Kane stars as Jacob Goodnight, a trauma survivor who apparently grew up to take steroids on his way to becoming a serial killer who swings a meat hook on a chain and relieves his victims of their eyeballs. And he's the most sympathetic character in the movie, since all of his victims are jerky, incarcerated teenagers participating in a work program at the condemned hotel where Goodnight lurks. I suppose at least some of the gorefans who stick it out to the end of this Amateur Hour-and-a-Half will be satisfied by the disgusting deaths and ugly excuses for creativity, like dogs lapping up blood and urinating into eye sockets, but here's my humble opinion: under no circumstances should anyone watch this movie, ever. It isn't fit for human consumption.
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